he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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