It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
