So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
