So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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