I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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