im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
