Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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