No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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