So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
