I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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