Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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