State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
