I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
