I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
