is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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