I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
