im gay
i know
yea but for you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
