Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
