The maid of honor just puked.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
