you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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