i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
