My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
And the cops told us we were all naked.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
