I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
