I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
no you cant smoke seaweed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
