Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
