You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want to make out with him forever
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
