did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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