....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
