She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
