Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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