Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
