Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
