It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
