I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
