Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
