Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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