I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
