Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
