maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he fucked my hip out of place.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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