We're facebook friends in real life
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
