I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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