Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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