he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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