Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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