you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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