I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
