Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
