i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
