i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
