there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
