She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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