I wanna passion pit in your ass
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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