I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
